Sanity Is Excusable
by StandingOnTheRooftops
Summary: In this comedy, Duo finds something to amuse himself, & he drags Quatre & Heero along for the ride. Really... just how crazy can excuse letters get? Answer: VERY! Humor, hints at 2x1/1x2 and obvious 3x4. Sidefic, sorta, for 'Alive But Without Permission'.


AN: Written for Kidishcaresh and dedicated totally to her amazing awesomeness! I don't own GW, and all of the excuses were taken without permission from the RinkWorks website. So, without further ado... on with the show.

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Sanity Is Excusable

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"Do we *have* to be in here?" Duo asked. "It gives me the creeps."

Heero's eyes flickered to him for but a moment before returning to the computer screen.

"The office computer is the only one in the school I can access this data from without it taking forever."

Duo sighed, and hopped off the desk, wandering around the office.

This was the first public high school they'd ever been undercover at. Apparently it was hiding a few OZ secrets. Somehow. And of course, the *public* school had better security on their computer systems than then *private* ones. What kind of sense did that make?

Hence the reason Heero was hacking away at the computer in the office, trying valiantly to ignore the violet-eyed boy that had captured his interest.

Duo ran a black-gloved finger across the edge of the desk, and out of curiosity, started to open drawers. He picked the simple lock with ease, perusing the contents of the top... then the second drawer. Paddle. Staples. Post-it notes. Lots of stuff... oh! Filing drawer!

Duo began to read the labels of all the files in the drawer. Ah. Boring. Who cares about student excuses. But with nothing else to do, he drew out the file and started looking through it.

It was just a mass of scraps of paper. Some whole sheets of computer paper, some whole sheets of writing paper... and some things he didn't quite know what they once were. Some clean... and some not so clean. So neat and straight... and others that looked like it had more wrinkles than the Sahara had grains of sand!

Violet eyes perused the elegant script on the first page, neat and crisp. He mouthed what he read.

'Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.'

Duo nodded, then started to flip the page, then did a double take, re-reading the page. He shook his head. This lady shot her daughter? It took him a moment before he realized what it meant. Oh... she had her daughter get a shot from doctor?

Duo, curious, drug another note from the file, this one not so neat. He read it... then, grinning... repeated it aloud.

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face."

Heero looked up at Duo, confused. "Pardon?"

"I think they're excuses... y'know? For kids that were absent from school?" Duo chuckled. "Wait... you think that's bad? Check this out." He pulled up a sheet of computer paper with various stains on it and showed it to Heero to read.

The writing... almost illegible... was scrawled across the entire page.

"Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. Thanks you, William Sandlin."

Heero blinked and looked up at Duo. "But... no month has 33 days."

Duo nodded and giggled.

"Y'know," he said, going over to the copy machine. "I'm copying these. I think Quatre would get a kick out of them."

Heero shook his head and turned back to his work with hacking the computer.

Two days later, Heero listened as laughter echoed through the safe house. Quatre... as always... had offered to let everyone borrow his safe houses. Well... safe *mansions*, really. So far, only Duo and occasionally Trowa ever took him up on the offers. And since the last mission had required him and Duo to work together, he'd 'tagged along' as Duo put it.

Heero walked down the hall and found Quatre and Duo spread out on the bed, a mass of photo-copied pages around them. A laptop was set on the floor, obviously abandoned in favor of their current endeavor.

"Hey, 'Ro," Duo beamed up at him. "You're missing it. These excuses are... very creative."

"Listen," Quatre chuckled. "Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral."

Duo canted his head to the side. "Sally's dead? Boy... Wufei's gonna be bummed about that."

This, of course, sent Quatre into a fit of giggles.

"Please excuse Lily for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps," Duo quoted another note.

Heero blinked. "They condone incest? That's... wrong."

Duo chuckled. "See? You *do* have a sense of humor somewhere, Heero. Come on!" Duo scooted over a bit, clearing just enough space on the bed for another person to lay down on their stomach.

"No."

But before Heero could back away, the speedy Sweeper had reached up and snatched his wrist, jerking and causing Heero to loose his balance and topple onto the bed.

In order to keep Heero down, Duo did the sensible thing and sat on him. Heero swallowed against the feeling of having Duo on his back, knee on either side of his waist. Ignoring the sapphire gaze, Duo handed him a note.

"Read it, Yuy."

WIth a sigh, Heero gave in and looked at the note.

"Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."

Duo burst out laughing. As much at the note itself as at the dry way Heero read it.

Heero glared at him, then the giggling Quatre.

"Like you can talk," Heero told the blond. "As often as you're *under* Trowa."

Quatre squawked and turned beet red, floundering as he fell off the bed. Duo couldn't stop laughing, and leaned down to use the back of Heero's neck to stifle his laughter. Duo had no idea the sheer torture he was putting Heero through.

"NEXT!" Duo exclaimed, grabbing at another note. "Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault."

"Probably," Heero nodded. "It took two to tango."

"Parenting at it's best," Quatre replied, crawling back onto the bed and picking up the next excuse.

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part."

"Ow," was Heero's deadpan response. Quatre giggled, and Duo unconsciously winced.

"Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well," Heero read.

"Makes me wish that the person who wrote that note couldn't 'breed'," Duo chuckled.

"Oh..." Quatre had picked up another excuse. "Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"Oh, darn," Duo sighed. "Now where did I put it? I'm always misplacing my hips." He wriggled his hips, acting as if he was searching for them. As he was sitting on Heero... this sent tingles through the Wing pilot, who shuddered, and forced himself to forget the odd sensation and pick up another note.

""My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him."

Duo laughed at this one, miming shooting someone using his finger as a gun.

Quatre chuckled, moving on and searching for yet another letter.

"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

Duo scrunched up his face. "Ewww. Okay, next."

"Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday."

Duo scratched the back of his head and blinked, almost confusedly, at the note.

"Sounds like something you'd do," Heero muttered up to him, picking another random note.

"Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

Quatre chuckled again, but Duo grinned and leaned down, placing his lips right next to Heero's ear.

"Are you 'administrating'?"

Heero choked, and Duo leaned up laughing, picking up another note.

"Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side."

"Must be one fat kid," Duo said, and they all started laughing... again.

#

When Trowa finally came in from his latest mission... he was greeted with an eerily silent house. He wandered through the mansion, finally spying the person he was looking for... in a very odd sight. Quatre was spread across the head of the bed, feet hanging off the left side, an arm trailing over the right, and a pillow clutched to his chest. Heero was sprawled caddy-corner- diagonally stretched across the bed, an outstretched hand in a pile of pieces of computer paper. Oddly enough, Duo was sitting on Heero, legs tangled together, and arms hugging him tight. Hn. When would those two ever catch a clue?

Trowa went and gathered his lover up, to carry him somewhere else, because there was not much room left on this bed and Trowa was NOT going to fall asleep alone.

There was a note gripped in Quatre's hand. Curious, Trowa pried it loose as he settled the blond down on a different bed.

First confusion, and then slight humor overtook him. He chuckled, and tossed the paper over his shoulder. One day, he'd really like to know what that was about, but for now he just wanted to sleep.

Across the room, a piece of paper fluttered to the ground as Trowa curled up with his lover

"Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak."

~Owari~


End file.
